I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
