Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
