i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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