Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
