If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
