I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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