Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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