Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
