just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.