the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life