You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.