Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that