Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while