So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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