His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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