i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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