I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
