How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
