Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
