What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
