What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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