She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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