We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
