I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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