i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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