I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
