I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
