A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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