Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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