She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
