I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
