sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
