he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
