We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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