I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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