the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
