so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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