Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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