In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
