the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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