I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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