I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
