Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
