Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
