I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
