The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
