i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
