He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its not stalking. its research.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I will pee on everything he values.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
