my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
