What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
