he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
