So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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