it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
