I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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