be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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