Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
