i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
