they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize