Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
