I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
