I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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