is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
