the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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