my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
