i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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