You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
