4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
