I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
