We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
