So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
