ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
