I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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