that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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