the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
