so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize