we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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