Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
