the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
