sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
