We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
