Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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