I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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