im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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