when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
