Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
