Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
